IN SECRET PLACES

A beautiful poem written by a beautiful woman. Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Linda.  ---- Click on the title below to visit Linda's blog.

IN SECRET PLACES
by
Linda J. De Graw
(copyright 1990)

In secret places, deep inside,
I've buried hurts, fears, pain and pride.
I thought they'd stay there, out of the way,
but somehow they keep surfacing today.

Oh LORD, it's not right to feel anger and hate !!
Won't You please HELP ME . . . these feelings abate ???
I've been struggling all day with these unpleasant foes.
They rob me of joy and in its place leave woes.

I'm sick of this see-saw -- ^ELATION/_despair . . .
My soul needs renewing, overhauling and repair !!!
But, I guess I'd like a "magic cure"
so pain and discomfort I won't have to endure.

Yes, You're right, LORD, denial never cures the past --
it just keeps re-surfacing, and again I'm harassed !
But HOW can I put it PERMANENTLY to rest
when its offspring of imps keeps putting me to the test ???

In that dark little corner, over there to the right,
is where I keep "REJECTION" well out of sight.
Yet daily it seems to raise its ugly head
snapping at me from morning 'til bed !

My "FEARS" I keep over there on the shelf,
ignoring them, and trying to encourage myself.
But they keep sliding off and rolling my way --
ever tripping me up so I make no headway.

"GUILT" and "SHAME" are tucked snugly underneath;
but, they too, harass me beyond belief !!
Even though I've confessed all that I can think of
they retort that I've no right to receive any love.

And "THE THREE-HEADED MONSTER"
-- that keeps glaring me in the eye --
is the one I never escape, named Me, Myself & I.
It hounds me incessantly all night and all day
with its "shoulds" and its "oughts" and the debts I can't pay.

But there, well-hidden -- (even from me),
is where the worst tyrant struggles to be free.
With its silent screaming and rattling of cage,
jarring my soul . . . this thing called "RAGE".

And that over there?? No, that's not a lake . . .
it's an ocean of tears -- unshed for "PRIDE's" sake.
Oh, yes, it's an ocean. Real salt you can taste.
Too bad it's so big . . . so much room it does waste.

LORD . . . ? If I were to let You drain that ocean from me --
would that at last from my past set me free ? ? ?
Fountains of Living Water You've promised to give . . .
Oh, LORD -- is THAT what I've needed to learn how to live ???

Then drain this salty marsh, with its muck and its mire,
and give me the Springs of Your Heart's desire !!!
Wash clean those hidden corners of my dark soul . . .
then fill me with Your Spirit 'til I am made whole !!!

It almost seems just too good to be true . . .
But if I let You empty me, You can FILL ME with YOU!
Oh LORD, make haste; let there be no delay !!!
Possess me entirely -- come fill me TODAY !!!


"Am I a God near at hand,"
says the LORD,
"And not a God afar off?
Can anyone hide himself
in secret places,
So I shall not see him?"
says the LORD;
"Do I not
fill
heaven and earth?"
says the LORD.

Jeremiah 23:23, 24 (NKJV) (emphasis mine)

White As Snow

Snow is one of those amazing, breath taking, beautiful things that God blessed us with. It always brings to mind how He said that though our sins are as scarlet, He would make us white as snow. Isaiah 1:18 Lately when I’ve watched it snow, I’ve thought not only about the filth of my sins, but about the filth of rape and how God in His infinite mercy cleanses me from that, too.

Some days, I feel so close to freedom from it all. Other days, I can feel the dirt hiding in crevices, interfering with my life... being an irritant... and I wonder if I’ll ever be truly free. I think of snow, falling one flake at a time and know that’s how healing comes, one victorious step at a time. It doesn’t matter how many steps it takes. It doesn’t matter if the snow comes in blizzard form or gently falling flakes... it cleanses. It refreshes and renews. It fills water tables and makes streams run. It quenches thirst and causes the ground to bring forth life. It can also sting, burning the skin. It can cause great discomfort and make any travel hazardous. It can cause death for those caught unprepared. And yet we need it.

The journey from rape is full of hazards. There are those that are so broken by it and so unprepared by life for it, that it brings death. (If not actual physical death, it can bring emotional and mental death.) For those that press forward, one step at a time, it often comes with great discomfort. It stings and burns and makes us want to run away. But if we stick to the course laid before us and keep walking, the victories pile up higher and higher and the beauty is evident. Refreshing and renewal happens and new life springs up. This is the work of God and each of us must chose to walk the path before us, if we want to see the fulfilled miracle of being made ‘white as snow’.

I can scorn the road set before me. I can throw myself down and refuse to walk it out, but I know that’s a deadly choice. An unfruitful and selfish choice.

Instead, I’ll continue putting one foot in front of the other and walk with Him. I’ll keep my eyes open for the tools He provides to make it through safely. I will prepare myself with God’s word, prayer and surround myself with others that love Him, so that even if a storm catches me off guard, I’ll survive and come out the other side closer to Him and more useful for His work. Jesus never promised we would go through life unscathed, but He did promise we would finish safely in His rest and fullness.